Worn Thin
by Attesa
Summary: Behind them lurked their past, painful and still bleeding. In front of them the uncertainty of war. Today, they fight to live, love and protect. Remus/Tonks through DH. Complete
1. I don't think I knew the chaos

**Title: **Worn Thin  
**Pairing:** Remus/Tonks  
**Rating:** PG13/T  
**Period:** DH, epilogue compliant  
**Summary:** Behind them lurked their past, painful and still bleeding. In front of them the uncertainty of war. Today, they fight to live, love and protect. Remus/Tonks

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter, their universe, the characters or the fancy words that JKR made up to go with them. I use them without making any money. I also don't own the lyrics at the top of each chapter. Those belong to Secondhand Serenade.

**A/N:** Written for the Secondhand Serenade songs challenge on HPFC. Challenge given by DraconianKnight. My song was 'Why'.

There are a total of six chapters. I'll probably post one every other day. Reviews are welcome, appreciated and loved wholeheartedly. :)

This is unbetaed. All mistakes are my own. Point one out if you see it. :)

* * *

_"I don't think I knew the chaos I was getting in…"_

They fought. It slowly built up to a nearly constant fight so that when Remus looked at his wife he didn't know if they'd gotten over the last fight and were starting fresh or if the fights had begun compounding upon one another. He loved her. Perhaps that was the root of all their problems. If he could care just a little less for her safety, her future- their future, then he wouldn't feel the need to tell her what to do.

If he didn't tell her what to do, she wouldn't push back. Her fear motivated her to give him a piece of her mind if only to remind herself that she was alive, still breathing and still fighting. Instead, alive, they fought.

Their latest fight was why deep red hair spread across her pillow. Nearly burgundy in color it had began sprouting from her hair when their voices rose above a reasonable level. The longer they fought the redder it got. He knew by morning it will have faded to another color of her choice, but for tonight amidst the chaos of their pain it was red.

Harry had left. He'd run from the wedding and no one had heard from him. It wasn't the premise of their fight, but the undercurrent had run through it like a wild fire threatening to burn them if they got too close to it. He'd gone. They were alone in the world, still so young and stupid. Remus felt the need to find them. He felt the need to fight rubbing at him leaving him with no peace.

Tonks told him in her roundabout way that he was under no circumstances to go running after them. Not now when the ministry had fallen, and not in his condition. It had infuriated him that he should be limited in his ability to protect his best friend's son. This was Harry, not just any boy, but Harry Potter. This was the war that he'd been fighting since he'd graduated school. She couldn't understand.

He had growled and told her that she didn't know a damn thing about what he should or couldn't do. It stung her, he could tell because it was then that her hair first began to show signs of red. She didn't respond, she just let him continue to vent until her entire head of hair was bright red.

"I'm going to bed," she said when he stopped for air. Then she left the room and went to bed without a look back.

He sat on the sofa waiting for a few minutes. After he thought she'd be changed and in bed he walked into their small bedroom and got ready for bed.

Sleep had been elusive in the weeks since Bill's wedding. At times it crept up on him attacking him swiftly and leaving him no better rested than before. On other nights it hid not bothering to grace him with its presence. This night was one of the latter nights.

He watched his wife sleep. Her features were delicate, her nose smaller than she usually kept it and her lips thinner. Every so often he evaluated her hair wondering if it had begun to fade or if it was a trick of the darkness.

He remembers his days sometimes, the important ones, based upon the color of her hair.

The day he told her for the first time that he loved her, it turned from a mousey brown to a shade of sunshine yellow. It made her look washed out and pale, but it brought out her eyes which were the bluest shade he had ever seen in his life.

The day they'd first made love, they'd been laughing and flirting. He'd kissed her too vigorously, too hard for her small lips and tiny body to be able to handle. He'd pulled away to apologize knowing that he must have bruised her arms with his grip and her lips with his. But she's pulled him closer and her hair darkened until it was nearly black, like her mothers. He looked into her eyes and for a moment he thought that her pupils had dilated to hide her irises, but they too were black. A testament to the passion which consumed her.

On the day they married, her mother had insisted that she look like herself. Remus didn't know her usual nose, lips, hair or eyes from any of the others that she wore from day to day so he left the arguing to the women. When she walked down the aisle with brown hair and blue eyes, she looked just as lovely a she always did. There was a way that he would be able to pick her out of a crowd no matter how she looked. He knew her.

The week after Moody died her hair had been black. Her skin was pale, her eyes a sunken shade of dull gray. Her cheeks had no color. She'd sit and stare at the mirror for hours, her face contorted, but nothing changed. She stared at the same hollow woman until Remus came and took her away. She cried into his shoulder and when she looked up at him with tears sparkling in her eyes he could have sworn they were a little less gray.

"Remus," Tonks murmured softly from her side of the bed.

He's been so consumed with his thoughts that he hadn't looked at her for a while. Her hair had faded to a reddish brown.

"Tonks," he sighed softly.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

Some days they had to embrace the chaos for they had no control of it.


	2. Is harder than I ever feared

**Title: **Worn Thin  
**Pairing:** Remus/Tonks  
**Rating:** PG13/T  
**Period:** DH, epilogue compliant  
**Summary:** Behind them lurked their past, painful and still bleeding. In front of them the uncertainty of war. Today, they fight to live, love and protect. Remus/Tonks

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter, their universe, the characters or the fancy words that JKR made up to go with them. I use them without making any money. I also don't own the lyrics at the top of each chapter. Those belong to Secondhand Serenade.

**A/N:** Thank you for the reviews. :)

_"…Is harder than I ever feared..."_

Dinner passed silently into night. Tonks changed into her pajamas and then brushed her sandy brown hair. Standing in front of the mirror she watched her husband as he changed behind her. She could see his reflection, something that if he knew he'd have rectified immediately.

He was a protector. She knew that. She loved that. She just wanted him to view her as an equal, someone who could handle herself on occasion. Looking down at her flat abdomen, covered by an old shirt she wanted him to protect her- them.

His hair looked grayer than usual. More lines had begun to etch into his face. She let a hand run over her stomach with maternal compassion.

"I'm going underground tomorrow," he told her, coming up behind her to rest his chin upon her shoulder, "I'll be back in a week."

She nodded and turned in his arms. Pressing her full lips to his she didn't notice when her hair began to turn blue, a near exact match to the color of the walls around them. He let out a breathy chuckle, but Tonks hadn't thought of changing her hair to blue. Looking down for a moment at her belly she smiled and then threw herself upon her husband.

* * *

Tonks spent the week that Remus was gone with her mother and father. For the first time she couldn't be productive. Forced to sit on the sidelines she busied herself with housework.

She attempted to knit booties which were so small that she could only fit a pinkie into them. She tried to knit a blanket, but as soon as she finished the whole mess unraveled into a ball of fluffy yarn. Her mother banned her from the kitchen after a fire she'd been attending to leapt up and burnt the handles of the pot.

Sitting on the sofa next to her father staring at the wall Tonks felt more helpless than if she'd just stayed home.

"It's a sign," her father told her.

"What?"

"The wayward magic. It's a sign. Your mother was the same way when she was pregnant with you. Couldn't use magic for days without it backfiring in her face. She once tried to make the bed with it, but she burnt the entire bed, mattress and all to a pile of ashes."

Tonks laughed to hide the disheartening feeling that was growing in her chest. How would she live if her magic failed her? She needed it to protect herself, the baby and Remus. She wouldn't survive without it.

* * *

"Are you alright?" Remus asked as his wife, cursing under her breath struggled to light the fireplace.

"Fine," she bit out.

"Let me," he offered holding his wand out.

"No," she shouted, blocking his view of the fireplace, "I can do this, Remus. Stop it."

Remus sank back onto the sofa with a look of bewilderment.

"Stop what?"

"Trying to coddle me. I'm an adult and I can take care of myself."

Tonk's hair was slowly beginning to turn red.

"I'm sorry, alright. I just wanted to help."

"Sometimes I don't need your help," she snapped and stomped off leaving the fireplace cold and unlit.

Remus found her in the bathroom staring at herself in the mirror. Her hair, no longer red, was tipped with ice blue and got gradually dark until at her roots it was indigo.

"Are you alright?" he asked softly.

"Fine," she spat glaring at her own reflection. Concentrating she managed to turn her hair brown, but she could still see a few strands of blue.

"Nox," she murmured giving a particularly forceful swish of her wand.

The lights went out in the entire flat.

* * *

Remus studied his wife. Cramped in their flat she paced back and forth like a caged animal. Every so often she looked over at him. He sat on the sofa attempting to read in an effort to ignore her. Every time he tried to ask what was wrong, she snapped at him.

Her strange behavior worried him. He'd tried to contact her mother, but she'd found him about to send the letter and had told him off for being nosy.

"Remus," she whispered in a vulnerable small voice.

Her wand was held at her side in a lax grip. He looked up at her, his eyes wide with concern.

"I'm pregnant."


	3. I've broken all my promises to you

**Title: **Worn Thin  
**Pairing:** Remus/Tonks  
**Rating:** PG13/T  
**Period:** DH, epilogue compliant  
**Summary:** Behind them lurked their past, painful and still bleeding. In front of them the uncertainty of war. Today, they fight to live, love and protect. Remus/Tonks

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter, their universe, the characters or the fancy words that JKR made up to go with them. I use them without making any money. I also don't own the lyrics at the top of each chapter. Those belong to Secondhand Serenade.

_"I've broken all my promises to you…"_

Their wedding had been a simple affair. They'd promised in sickness and in health for better or worse, to have and to hold.

He'd walked out. Tonks explained that the strange behavior, her inability to control her morphing and how she couldn't perform spells properly. She sobbed; frightened that she'd be unable to protect herself and their child.

Remus cursed himself. He should have been at her parents. She was probably asleep now. He imagined her lying on the bed, her hair a bright shade of red. He wondered if it was.

The forests were dark, damp and uncomfortable. Nothing more than he deserved. He'd taken a few days to shake the Death Eaters off his tail.

Alone in the forest his thoughts wandered in different directions. At times they were on Harry, Ron and Hermione who were alone in the world on a mission given to them by Dumbledore. At other times he thought of Tonks, the woman he'd out casted with his thoughts of love. Just before he fell asleep at night he thought of the unborn child. The child he may have cursed.

His nights were restless, the sleep barely satisfying.

It wasn't fate that brought him to Grimmauld Place. It was the need for a dry bed and a roof over his head for one night.

He'd been relieved to find Harry there, safe and alive. His three ex-students did well for themselves.

In a rush he saw a glimmer of something in his future, a lifeline thrown to him by his reckless past and his need to protect. He'd offered to join them, blindly but faithfully. Had it always been so easy to ignore the image of Tonks that lurked in the back of his mind? Or had his doubts doubled and his love begun to wither away into the recesses of his mind?

He blamed it on the full moon. His aggression and his thoughtlessness and the lack of love, all a side effect of the wolf half of him. The side of him that could be passed to his child just as easily as his eye color.

He'd returned to the forest livid after meeting with Harry. As the anger died down it gave way to horror. He had cursed his best friend's son. He'd abandoned his wife and his child. He's spent hours looking at a pond in the middle of the forest. The sun danced off of its surface without care to Remus' plight.

He leaned over and stared at himself. Graying more and more in the face and becoming more wrinkled by the second he thought of his wife's youth and their unborn child, innocent and possibly condemned. He cursed himself, but he couldn't bear to curse her.

Remus apparated to her home. There was a scuffle of noise inside.

"No, Dora! NO!"

It was Andromeda's voice shouting at her daughter a few moments before the older witch opened the door an inch to look at him. Remus held his hands in front of him.

"It's me, you're daughter's husband, Remus J Lupin. We're expecting a child together. I'm sorry."

The words rushed from his mouth so quickly that he didn't realize when she lowered her wand or opened the door. Andromeda turned her back on him leaving the entry and retreating into her home.

"I'm so sorry."

Remus stood in the doorway staring at Ted. The man had every right to send him away. He thought about it too. But there was no defeat in Remus's eyes. No rejection or disappointment. Behind the exhaustion and the ever lingering fear was remorse.

"Remus," Dora's soft voice called from the hall behind him.

Her hair was gray. When she caught sight of her husband it began to regain color. The color began to return to her cheeks giving her the slightest of blushes over the porcelain skin. The flat gray eyes that Ted and his wife had looked at for the past week were just the slightest bit bluer.

Ted stepped aside from the doorway just as Tonks flung herself at Remus. He caught her unsteadily, but wrapped his arms around her.

"I'm so sorry."


	4. And you were left feeling so alone

**Title: **Worn Thin  
**Pairing:** Remus/Tonks  
**Rating:** PG13/T  
**Period:** DH, epilogue compliant  
**Summary:** Behind them lurked their past, painful and still bleeding. In front of them the uncertainty of war. Today, they fight to live, love and protect. Remus/Tonks

**Disclaimer:** Don't own it... sorry.

_"And you were left feeling so alone."_

The days blended into weeks which formed months that all made up the long stretch that as Tonk's pregnancy. At times she'd be fighting mad and other days she lay at the foot of the bed curled into a ball. Remus didn't always know what to do, but he learned to be there. She didn't need to be alone.

In the mornings, Remus awoke early. That was why he found Ted sitting, alone, at the kitchen table a quill in his hand and a dejected look upon his face. The older man's head snapped up when he heard footsteps.

"You can't stop me," Ted told him.

"From doing what?" Remus asked softly taking a seat across from his father-in-law.

"I must do it."

"What?"

"Go."

Remus stayed silent.

"I won't register and if I don't they'll tear this house apart. I must leave, Remus."

Remus nodded his head. Standing up he left the kitchen and returned to his bedroom. He waited until he'd heard Andromeda descend the stairs. A few moments later he followed her down to console her.

Remus thought of leaving again, but Tonk's had to stay at her parent's house. There were no other options since the Death Eaters were closing in on places where order members have once lived. Andromeda assured him that she could keep them safe.

Remus got news that most of the Weasley's were out of work. He felt hopeless and estranged from the world. The world that needed him.

The estrangement was the reason they began the broadcasts. One day sitting in the burrow between Fred and George who were tinkering with their mother's wireless it came to him. The redheads were supportive and one night every few weeks Remus snuck out and they broadcasted. He hated leaving Tonks alone, but he had no choice. He hated himself for doing nothing more.

The broadcasts were sporadic and secretive. He hoped that Harry heard them and knew that he was proud of the young boy who'd grown into a strong young man. He returned, home to his growing family and dreamed every night of his healthy baby boy.

The close contact with the Weasley boys and Lee Jordan brings news to the house. The majority of it was dreadful. But it was something.

The only thing that Remus could be thankful for was that it hadn't been him who brought the news. He'd been away for the full moon when it happened. Bill dropped by the house to deliver the news. By the time that Remus had returned the two women had been mourning for hours.

Andromeda sat at the kitchen table when he apparated in. Her face buried in her hands as she dabbed her eyes with a white handkerchief.

"Is everything alright?

"We just got news, Remus, Ted's-," she broke off with a wailing sob.

He didn't wait to hear the rest of her sentence. A sinking feeling in his gut told him all that he needed to know. He ran up the stairs. Tonks sat in a chair, in their room, looking at the mirror. Her face colorless, her lips a thin line, her nose an exact replica of her father's, a curtain of black hair surrounded the strange features.

She looked up at him when he burst through the door. There weren't any tears on her face but a look of misery hid in her black eyes. Two hands cradled her swollen belly protectively. He pulled her into his lap and her head rested upon his shoulder.

They sat like this for some time until Tonk's finally broke down and began to cry. She buried her head in his shoulder and he wrapped an arm around her. When her breathing slowed down and the hiccups subsided he risked running his fingers through her hair. She raised her head and looked him in the eye . Her face scrunched up in concentration and the black eyes fade into a dark blue.

"The baby kicked for the first time," she whispered.


	5. You make it hard to smile

**Title: **Worn Thin  
**Pairing:** Remus/Tonks  
**Rating:** PG13/T  
**Period:** DH, epilogue compliant  
**Summary:** Behind them lurked their past, painful and still bleeding. In front of them the uncertainty of war. Today, they fight to live, love and protect. Remus/Tonks

**Disclaimer:** Don't own it... sorry.

**A/N:** Sorry this took so long. Life's been busy lately. On a happy- but sad, note this is the second to last chapter.

_"You make it hard to smile, because you make it hard to breathe…"_

Remus paced outside the door. Hours ago, he'd called for Molly and she'd arrived hours ago. He glared at the closed door. Just behind the door Tonks laid upon their bed preparing to give birth to their son.

His hands shook as he reached for the door knob. Just as his fingers touched the cold metal he let his arm fall back down by his side. Patience, he reminded himself.

He went back to pacing. He went further down the hall trying to get rid of the knot that had buried itself deep down in his stomach.

The door opened and he stopped. Molly walked out of the room, closing the door softly behind her. She enveloped Remus in a tight hug letting out a few happy cries before holding him at an arm's distance.

"He's here, a perfectly healthy little boy, Remus."

She pulled him into a hug again. He could barely sit still long enough to accept her congratulation.

In the bedroom, Tonks sat up holding a small infant wrapped in a yellow blanket. She beamed up at Remus and then beckoned him forward. Holding their son so that he could see the tiny perfect face she leaned up to kiss him.

"He's beautiful," he sighed.

"Just like his mother," Andromeda gushed.

For the first few hours his hair was black. An exact match to Andromeda's hair before it had started to gray shot out in little tufts of fuzzy black hair. He laid in Andromeda's arms his blue eyes looking up at his grandmother after his mother had fallen asleep.

"They have been switching from blue to brown ever few minutes. He takes after his mother."

Remus let out a bit of a grimace at that thought. Tonks was clumsy, but courageous. Loyal to a fault, but humble to no end. He had thought about heredity endlessly over the past months. Wondering if his condition would haunt his son.

The little boy's hair went from black to brown as his tiny brown eyes shut. A few moments later the tufts were black again. His breaths were shallow, fit for sleep.

"He can't hold it very well, but he'll learn. Dora was the same way as a child. She'd pick the color of a wall or flower as a toddler and would wear it on her skin or her eyes. She once went a whole week with a nose shaped like a trumpet."

Andromeda shook her head shaking off the laughter before the giggles even had a chance of threatening to wake the baby.

"Have you thought of a name?"

He was seven hours old at least but they hadn't named him. It was strange that nine months could pass without the two of them even discussing baby names. The war had taken its toll on them, their marriage, their relationship and the way they saw each other. At times Remus had to step outside just to breathe the overwhelming presence of Tonks carrying his child, constantly in danger, made his head spin. He couldn't think of anything else.

"Ted," Tonks murmured.

She leaned against the doorframe, a small smile playing upon her lips, unable to fully be born through the fear and exhaustion. Her pale skin flushed with happiness. Her hair was black, a near exact match of her son's hair, as he rested. Her clear blue eyes shimmered with the happiness that lurked behind her responsibilities. She looked at her husband as though he's a million miles away and she'd love nothing more than to bring him home.

"If that's alright, Remus," she whispered, afraid of being selfish when he too has people to remember.

"I like it. It suits him."

But nothing like the way she looks suits her. He'd woken up next to a different woman nearly every day of their marriage. He'd seen her hair yellow, pink, blue and purple. Watched her eyes become the strangest shades of orange and fade to the darkest depths of black. He couldn't have found her any more beautiful than he did then, looking so much like their son and so at ease in her own skin.

He could hardly breathe.


	6. I promise you I will bring you home

**Title: **Worn Thin  
**Pairing:** Remus/Tonks  
**Rating:** PG13/T  
**Period:** DH, epilogue compliant  
**Warning:** Character Death  
**Summary:** Behind them lurked their past, painful and still bleeding. In front of them the uncertainty of war. Today, they fight to live, love and protect. Remus/Tonks

**Disclaimer:** I don't own them and I make no money. :(

**A/N:** Sorry this took so long. I hope you enjoy. Unbetaed.

_"I promise you I will bring you home."_

"No!"

"You cannot tell me what to do, Remus. I'm an Auror!"

"No! You're not going to Hogwarts tonight."

Remus stood in front of the fireplace his arms stretched wide blocking his wife from flooing away.

"Then, you're not going!"

"Stop being unreasonable, Tonks."

"I'm not."

The two exchanged glares. Tonk's hair began to turn red as she glowered at her husband. He didn't back down.

"Please, Nymphadora, just stay here."

Her face softened a little. She shook her head, tears beginning to well up in her eyes.

"Don't leave me here alone."

He crossed the few feet of carpet between them and pulled her into his arms. He kissed her until her hair was brown without a tinge of red in it.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

She let him Floo.

Andromeda walked down the stairs with Teddy in her arms. Tonks stood in the sitting room wiping the tears from her face.

"How long will you wait?"

"What do you mean?" Tonks asked.

"I'm your mother, Dora, don't lie to me."

"Fifteen minutes."

Andromeda nodded.

"Would it matter if I asked you to stay here?"

Her daughter shook her head.

"I didn't think it would. Give your son a hug and a kiss."

Tonks took the little boy into her arms. His hair was a strange shade of turquoise to match his grandmother's necklace. Tonks kissed the top of the boy's head and held him close to her.

"Promise me one thing?" Andromeda asked.

"Of course."

"Promise me you'll come home."

Tonks nodded and turned away from her mother before the older witch could see her cry. She left her house engulfed in green flames.


End file.
